The arrogance of the ignorant.

Today is just one of those days.
The kind of day where you kind of hate everyone. The kind of day where if someone says something in the wrong tone or looks at you the wrong way, you just loathe them and let them know it.
Well, generally I would let the anger consume me, have my bad day, then sleep it off and be fine.
But not today.
I decided I'm going to fight this, and be happy. I know there's nothing to be angry about, so I'll MAKE myself be happy....
Bad Idea.
People's constant remarks that I can usually ignore just kept running through my head and I can't just let it go. I went to make a facebook status about it, and couldn't stop writing, that's when the idea hit me... BLOG ABOUT IT.! duh. I've been slacking anyways. So... here goes the rant.

The arrogance of the ignorant is by far, the most annoying thing I have yet to come across.
More annoying then the bottom of my pants being wet or people not understanding how turn signals work. (although both seem ridiculous they were considered my biggest pet peeves).
I started to blame my generation for this arrogance and ignorance when I realized the generations before us are far worse and the generation below, is either apathetic to everything or over emotional.
I have yet to find an age group of people that understands or is open to understanding the world, just small groups of people.
Yeah, yeah, small group of people can make the world of difference, but seriously?


*please note that I posted this in FEBRUARY*

Cycles: the basis of life 

and the pain in my ass. 

Everything in life goes through a cycle, whether it be it's life cycle or any other cycle that can/do occur throughout the day. But there are some that we can control without it being essential to life itself. 

Some of these are the trends in our wardrobe, some of them are our favorite colors and some are how our relationships function.

The last one is what this post will be about. 

There are a few people that our relationship is almost completely based on these cycles that we create. 

For instance, my mother and I. From the time I hit puberty to the time I left for college, we had a cycle throughout the year. We'd start off great. She would trust me, I would do my chores, I would tell her things going on in my life, and things were grand. Then one of two things would happen, I would slack on my chores and pretend to make an honest effort to do them OR my report card would come (which was always a cause for a fight seeing as I was never quite the honor roll student) and metaphorically and graphically speaking, shit would hit the fan. So, a majority of the time in high school was spent in said "shit-hit-fan" stage.

Since I've gone to college that cycle hasn't changed, but the amount spent in each stage has changed.  She gets furious with me, shit hitting the fan kind of angry, but it lasts   m a y b e   a weekend, and then it's done. We become the disgustingly loving mother daughter duo and stay in that state for far longer.

But I have cycles with a few of my friends. 

Mr Always-There for example; he's always been there for me (go figure) and 8 years into our friendship I'm realizing the majority of the time that I seek him out is when I need him and I let our relationship fall to the wayside when I'm in a relationship. It broke my heart when I finally realized it and have been making an honest effort to change that. 

Then, there is Mr Wishful Thinking; he's the one I get my hopes up about frequently. We have this cycle where we text non-stop for a few weeks and things seem to be going well, we announce whatever feelings are present, and they are usually mutual and things go swimmingly. Butterflies and giggling at texts, the whole nine yards (as horribly cheesey as THAT is).  After a few weeks, I notice he's not texting as much, and I start trying to over analyse things, feel like I'm getting mixed messages and attempt to quit the process, inevitably pushing him away. we don't talk for a few months, then one of us texts the other, and BAM, again starts the cycle of wishful thinking. 

"This time will be different" "We're being super up front, I can't get hurt". 

wishful thinking. 

These cycles are what keeps life going, but also causing a metaphorical pain in my buttox. 

The power of please.

"How can I help you today?"

So, all the jobs I've ever had (yes, all three of them) have had to deal with customers, rude and kind alike. 

When I worked at a country club, it was expected that the ratio of rude to kind would be in favor of rude. They were expecting top quality service, and were less then pleased when they received anything less. But, who could blame them at 2,000$ a year for membership?

 That being said (typed?), there was hardly a customer that left thoroughly upset with the service, even IF their sandwich wasn't correct or the redbull was too expensive, they were understanding that it wasn't MY fault, and didn't often try to shoot the messenger, if you catch my drift. 

At the zoo, it was expected that people weren't happy about price, but as far as service goes, no one expected much. 

Now, I'm working at Sally Beauty Supply (hence why my hair hasn't been the same color at all the past week) and I was working today and 2 ladies came in and were disgusted that the three of us that were working hadn't dropped everything we were doing to assist them in picking out which coupon they want to use. When they made it blatantly clear they were upset, I tried to help them pick out a hair dryer and explaining the price differences and they asked a question I didn't know the answer to (considering it was my third day, I vote it was excusable) I explained it was my first week and I'd grab someone that could be of more assistance, they just looked at me and said entirely too loud I NEED SOMEONE TO ACTUALLY HELP ME.  Bitch, please. So they were finally helped to their content. 

Maybe a minute later, they were raising hell again, but one of the pseudo managers helped them, until they left the store loudly and discontent with the world.

Right after dealing with that fiasco, I checked out a woman who said her "pleases" and "thank you's" and smiled at me every chance she got, even complimented my hair (which looked like shit).... it made me feel SO much better, or as my beloved friend Forest would say, it made my soul smile. It's amazing what manners and a smile can do for ones attitude. 

I just want people to know that little things like that can make someones day, and change their mood- you have no idea how appreciated it is by the service workers, really.

Cracked mirrors and broken trust.

"Trust is like a mirror, once broken it can be fixed, but you'll always see the cracks" 

or something like that. 

This is a topic I could talk about for days, but seeing as I try to have a life, for now, this will only be a minute section on my feelings of this topic.

Over the past 6 months, trust has been the main theme of my life. Whether I was losing it in someone or someone was losing it in me. It, unfortunately, has been mainly the latter of the two the last half of last year. But I'm learning and "growing", which is what mistakes are for, right? 

I'm digressing and I've just started (this happens a lot, bare with me). 

I've been thinking about it a lot today and the more I look at those who have broken my trust, they're the ones that I still hold close to my heart. Closer then I should, given the circumstances. This is one of my biggest flaws. When someone does wrong by me, I get upset, angry, sad what-have-you, but I quickly forgive and, essentially, pretend to forget. I don't treat the relationship much different then I had when trust was still in contact. I space myself from you, or treat you as one should treat another who has betrayed their trust, but not long after, I will become as close, if not closer then I was when the initial trust was broken. I force myself to believe that you wouldn't do that to me again,  you've changed. (right?) 

That's the optimist in me. 

(or the moron in me? Let's explore that some other time)

But you will, inevitably, hurt me again, breaking the trust we [I] worked so hard [pretending to] fix and I will be "broken", crushed, devastated. 

For what?

For someone who hasn't cared, the entire duration of the relationship, whatever that may be?

I can't help but think that the majority of the friendships that I've kept over the years falls victim to this cycle that I have put in place. 

Disclaimer; I understand that everyone will break your trust at one point or another, but the difference is who genuinely tries to fix it and tries to prove what you mean to them, and who tells you they're sorry, and they won't do it again and leave it at that. 

This post doesn't make much sense and is more-or-less me "thinking out loud", which is entirely false, I'm sitting in my apartment with music on not saying a word, 

but you understand.

OH DEAR, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF?!

Body Modifying (v.); the deliberate altering of the human body for aesthetic or non-medical purposes

As of lately, I have been hearing/reading/seeing a lot of negative commentary on body modifications. The phrase "body modification" doesn't have a good reputation and the connotations associated with it are becoming more and more negative. The use of the phrase is also being incredibly misused or misunderstood more and more frequently.

 A body modification is anything from dying your hair, piercing your ear to getting a tattoo or an implant in the shape of brass knuckles in your chest.  "But I only dyed my hair from blonde to brown" Were you born with brown hair? No? Then you've altered your appearance from the state it was in when you were born. THAT is a body mod. Just because it isn't blatantly obvious you've changed something, you've changed it. 

The past few weeks, in regards to the more extreme forms of body modifying, I've heard mostly,"how could you do that to yourself?" or "she/he'll regret that when they're 89." But my question is, who the fuck are you to say anything or even care? If you knew them, you would understand that virtually every tattoo, piercing, implant or other form of body modification is special to that person for whatever reason. Whether it be religious, spiritual (yes, they're different, that's a rant for another time), self expression or memorial to a treasured someone/thing, it means a   g r e a t   deal to the person who is willing to go through the potential pain and risks associated with whichever procedure they decide to have done. 

You bleaching your hair, plucking your eyebrows and piercing your ears makes you no better or worse then the ones getting tattooed, piercing their anti-eyebrow or stretching their ears. Although you think they are of completely different worlds, they are one in the same. The same compulsion that you feel to dye your hair red because you just "feel like a redhead" (what a ridiculous phrase) is the same compulsion someone else may have to dye their hair rainbow or pierce their wrist. You honestly believe that being a redhead will enhance your appearance, and others believe their tattoos make them more beautiful, enhance what they were born with. 

But your body is a temple

I personally believe that it IS a temple, but it is  M I N E, and if I choose to adorn my temple with some great artwork (because that's what tattoos are, art), I'd hope to do so without being criticized to the point where someone else believes I've mutilated myself. As some of you know, I have a tattoo that I drew, and I adore it. I also have my septum and my smiley pierced all while my hair has been every color of the rainbow, and had the rainbow in it. Every body mod. I have, I love and hold dear to my heart. My smiley piercing is the most recent (as of last week) and is, by far, the most criticized thing that I've ever done. 

"Ew, that's just gross.!"

To you, sure but to me, it's something that I thought about, and endured pain to obtain and cherish that I can only see it when I smile or make a goofy face. It's something that I believe to be an enhancement of my smile and therefore an extension of myself. I also find tattoos and piercings along with other body mods to be extremely beautiful if done with care. 

Just keep this in mind when you see someone with more extreme body mods that they aren't freaks, they just go about things a little differently then you, applaud them for remaining true to themselves and going for what they feel most beautiful in, their own skin.

Hello 2011, it's been nice meeting you. (:

This blog is basically just my way of venting out the things I'm too coward to just bring up to others or that I've been having difficulties trying to express. 

...Now what...

I don't feel the need to backtrack what's happened this year already because, let's be honest, chances of someone reading this are slim.

But here soon, I'll start with the ranting on things that grind my gears, I can feel it building to a point where I may just.... EXPLODE.