Cracked mirrors and broken trust.

"Trust is like a mirror, once broken it can be fixed, but you'll always see the cracks" 

or something like that. 

This is a topic I could talk about for days, but seeing as I try to have a life, for now, this will only be a minute section on my feelings of this topic.

Over the past 6 months, trust has been the main theme of my life. Whether I was losing it in someone or someone was losing it in me. It, unfortunately, has been mainly the latter of the two the last half of last year. But I'm learning and "growing", which is what mistakes are for, right? 

I'm digressing and I've just started (this happens a lot, bare with me). 

I've been thinking about it a lot today and the more I look at those who have broken my trust, they're the ones that I still hold close to my heart. Closer then I should, given the circumstances. This is one of my biggest flaws. When someone does wrong by me, I get upset, angry, sad what-have-you, but I quickly forgive and, essentially, pretend to forget. I don't treat the relationship much different then I had when trust was still in contact. I space myself from you, or treat you as one should treat another who has betrayed their trust, but not long after, I will become as close, if not closer then I was when the initial trust was broken. I force myself to believe that you wouldn't do that to me again,  you've changed. (right?) 

That's the optimist in me. 

(or the moron in me? Let's explore that some other time)

But you will, inevitably, hurt me again, breaking the trust we [I] worked so hard [pretending to] fix and I will be "broken", crushed, devastated. 

For what?

For someone who hasn't cared, the entire duration of the relationship, whatever that may be?

I can't help but think that the majority of the friendships that I've kept over the years falls victim to this cycle that I have put in place. 

Disclaimer; I understand that everyone will break your trust at one point or another, but the difference is who genuinely tries to fix it and tries to prove what you mean to them, and who tells you they're sorry, and they won't do it again and leave it at that. 

This post doesn't make much sense and is more-or-less me "thinking out loud", which is entirely false, I'm sitting in my apartment with music on not saying a word, 

but you understand.